Bittersweet

The other day while I was teaching, I saw out the window that a girl was purposely dripping her ice cream on a boy’s head, without him knowing. I laughed out loud and told my 11th graders what I just saw. It’s times like these when I forget that I’m an adult and that I shouldn’t laugh at that sort of immature behavior (in front of students, anyway!!).

Ever since I had to officially tell my school that I’m leaving, it has become increasingly clear to me that I do want out of high school. I really have no interest in managing behavior in the classroom. Classroom management strategies, positive discipline, and growth mindset make me want to gouge my eyes out. My educational philosophy from a couple years ago, which landed me my job here, now makes me laugh. I went from having an constructivist-inspired borderline idealist belief to a very simple belief: everyone has to get through their math class, and I just want to help them get through it, understand the math, and have some good laughs along the way.

I recently had to tell my grade 11 students that I won’t be their teacher next year. It was big news for them, since in the IB Diploma Program, courses are 2 years long and you have your same teachers for grades 11 and 12. When I made the announcement, students were surprised and sad. In one of my classes, someone said, “but we have such a great vibe going on in here with you!!” Everyone wanted to know why I was leaving. While there are many reasons, I told them the most teacher-y reason: that the gap between rich and poor for quality education leads to further inequality in America, and the absurd tuition rates for college add to the gap. I told them that I want to teach at a community college because it is the most affordable opportunity for people who are not as privileged as you and me.

Although I’m so ready to be done with high school, it was a little heartbreaking telling my students I’m leaving. I’m truly going to miss my 11th graders. They’re in the lowest math class that the IB Diploma Program offers, but they smile coming into my classroom, and that means the world to me. I got teary-eyed while reading their end-of-year reflections, seeing how my students appreciate our positive atmosphere in class. Some of them have gained confidence in math this year, or don’t hate math as much as they used to, or have taken my advice on how to study for a test with it paying off, or are excited to come to math class. I’m just so happy that I have apparently made a positive impact on a handful of them. ❤